Sheepdog Tip of the Day, After Combat tip 35
After a horrific experience, such as the loss of a partner or buddy, it can be a powerful shock to hear yourself think, "Thank God it wasn't me." Then the shock changes to shame, which makes you think, "I wish it was me. I want it to be me. I wish I were dead." In addition to this, you might very well be convinced that "It's all my fault" and you have not had the debriefing that will help you fill in the gaps and divide your pain. You are at one of the lowest points in your life. Something horrible has happened in your life, but for your family something wonderful has happened: You walked in the door. What words might they say to you? "Thank God it wasn't you." Though they say this with heart felt love, you might find it hard to accept, especially in light of your confused thoughts. Many returning veterans of combat also deal with similar survivor guilt. When they hear these words from their families it can cause them to distance themselves from their loved ones at a time when they need them the most. Right now, while you are calm and rational, you need to understand and accept the fact that your loved ones might say this. As always, prior preparation is the key. Should it happen to you, you will recognize it and say, "Grossman warned me that this might happen. It's okay. I can say it to them, and they can say it to me." It is important that you mentally prepare for it because their words and their love can be hard to accept when you do not like yourself at that moment. It is important to understand that in your world, something horrible happened, but in theirs something wonderful happened: You walked in the door.
Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, On Combat
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Additional Resources
For PTSD, Shepherd Resource Group.