Sheepdog Tip of the Day, After Combat tip 94
You cannot go wrong if you assume nothing and treat everyone with respect and compassion. Here are some tips on how to approach someone who has been involved in a traumatic incident, which has been adapted from the recommendations written by Dr. Alexis Artwohl on how cops can best support their fellow officers after a critical incident Initiate contact in the form of a phone call or a note to let the person know you are concerned and available for support or help. Say, "Hey, I'm just glad you are okay..." If the spouse answers the telephone, respect that person's decision whether to let the traumatized person talk to you. If the person lives alone, offer to stay with him the first few days after the traumatic event. If you cannot stay, help find another friend who can. Let the person decide how much contact he wants to have with you. He may be overwhelmed with phone calls and it could take a while for him to return your call. Understand that he may want some "down time" with minimal interruptions. Do not ask for an account of the incident, but let him know you are willing to listen to whatever he wants to talk about. People often get tired of repeating the story and they find curiosity seekers distasteful. Ask questions that show support and acceptance, such as "How are you doing?" and "Is there anything I can do to help you or your family?" Accept the person's reaction to his event as normal for him and avoid suggesting how he should be feeling. Remember that people have a wide range of reactions to different traumatic incidents. Apply nonjudgmental listening. Monitor your facial expressions and simply nod your head at whatever he tells you. Do feel free to offer a brief sharing of a similar experience you had to help him feel like he is not alone and that you understand what he has been through. This is not the time, however, to work on your own trauma issues. If your friend's event triggers emotions in you, find someone else to talk to who can offer you support. Do not encourage the use of alcohol. If you go out, drink decaffeinated beverages, not coffee and not alcohol. In the aftermath of trauma, it is best for people to avoid all use of alcohol for a few weeks so they can process what has happened to them with a clear head and with true feelings. For some, drinking coffee immediately after the incident may not be a good idea because it stimulates an already stimulated system. Do not call him "killer" or "terminator" (even as a joke) or make lighthearted comments about his actions. Even your best buddy, who you often banter with and tease, may find such comments offensive. Although you are likely to find yourself second-guessing your friend's actions, keep your comments to yourself. Your words have a way of getting back to him and might do additional harm as he struggles to recover. Besides, your second-guesses are usually wrong anyway. Do encourage him to take care of himself. Be supportive of his need to take time off work and encourage him to participate in debriefing procedures and professional counseling. Support him by going to the right people to talk with them about what your friend is experiencing. Do confront him gently with his negative behavioral or emotional changes, especially if they persist longer than one month. Encourage him to seek professional help. Do not refer to a person having psychological problems as "a mental" or other derogatory terms. Stigmatizing someone might encourage him to deny his psychological injury and not get the help he needs. Do educate yourself about trauma reactions by reading written material or consulting with someone who knows the topic. Get the traumatized person to read On Combat, as well as Deadly Force Encounters. On Killing has also proven itself to be of value, having been used by many mental health professionals, and by the United States Department of Veterans' Affairs counselors to educate themselves and their veterans in this critical area.
Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, On Combat
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Additional Resources
For PTSD, Shepherd Resource Group.